Suicide Can Wait: They Need You

This is a companion piece to "Doomee's Earth Hospice: Love Means Never Having to Say Goodbye" which is a detailed first look into "The Doomee Perspective: A Philosophy of Compassionate Witnessing." There I explore what it means to live and make meaning in a meaningless world. Here, I reflect upon what this means to me. I don't hope for much these days, but if you are struggling, I hope it offers some peace.

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My first "attempt" was at 8 years old. I've been ready ever since.

I'm struck by the different human perspectives on the topic of suicide. For someone open to leaving, it's just another interesting thing to think about or to talk about like, "What are you doing on your vacation? How're you getting there?" To others, it's panic and hellfire. 

Exit strategies bring me great comfort. My bags are already packed, so to speak. And I have little doubt one day I'll take myself and reach my destination. But for now, it's not about me. I suffer through trying to help those less fortunate. Some days it's so difficult, the best I can do is put water out for the birds and feed the neighborhood cat who adopted me when I moved in. Because they rely on me. 

I'm not sure about in your circles of humans, but in my online travels, especially meeting those who are collapse-aware, suicide is definitely a topic of conversation. We're not ghoulish about it, or excited by it. But there are plans. It's mostly a relief valve, something that we have in our toolbox "just in case." But those plans are also very real. I will not speak for others, but for me, once I had a plan (several actually), I could "relax" and get back to the work of living and helping.

Here are a few sentences from "Doomee's Earth Hospice..." that I feel explain this way of being and staying in the world:

"... I was never put here to be happy. Of that, I am sure. But I can help others. And I have. At least in those moments. As long as I can do that, I feel I must use my privilege (being in a position to help) to at least try. If humans spent more of their time trying to make others happy instead of trying to make themselves happy, the world would be a much happier place."

And so, I go on. Helping where I can. Above it all, I try my best not to add to the suffering in the world. I think we've all had enough. Nothing hurts me more than knowing that somewhere someone, any feeling being, is suffering because of me.

I no longer live with a goal... except to be kind. It's a bigger challenge as the world collapses around us calling us all to our baser instincts. I'm still hoping compassion is something I can hang onto through it all. 

It's rough out there. For those who feel the pain, I understand. I really do. I hope an animal adopts you, too, like the kitty who rescued me. Or, hope beyond hope, maybe like me, you will adopt all animals in your heart and take some comfort in knowing that your being here and not hurting or eating any of them is at least one way we can make up for taking so much. 

As much as humans love to shine it up, existence means suffering. But there is another word: compassion. Compassion means "to suffer with." After all, we are all in this together. I suffer the curse of compassion. I can't imagine it any other way.

So, I'll do my best to "suffer with" those who need help, every human and every nonhuman. I will try to relieve the suffering of others for as long as I can...

Until I just can't take it anymore.

For now, suicide can wait. It has to wait. They need me.